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Madonna's Tired Act

by Heidi Oringer

October 15, 2004


.... Know your limitations! That's the point I'm trying to make here, which is why I can't tolerate one more minute of Mrs. Guy Ritchie — aka Madonna — getting in front of a camera and trying to act.

... But ladies and germs, she does not know how to MOV-IE. She just can't act.

.... as far as her acting — it's been bad since her first time out of the gate. If you're so enthralled by her other talents that you are blind to her lack of theatrical abilities, I urge you to take a walk down celluloid way with me:

• Desperately Seeking Susan
• Shanghai Surprise
• Who's That Girl?
• Dangerous Game
• Body of Evidence
• Evita

I'm not including A League of Their Own or Dick Tracy, because those were decent films with ensemble casts. Their success wasn't sitting on Madonna's shoulder. But, if you're still such a die-hard fan and think I'm such a hard-nose, then go rent all of these and watch them back to back.

If you don't attempt some kind of personal abuse (aka toothpicks in your eyeballs, biting hunks out of your forearms), then you should stop reading here because you're too far gone.

Which brings us to her latest — Swept Away.

Her husband, Snatch director Guy Ritchie, clearly loves Madonna blindly because he allowed himself to go against the instinctual gift he has for filmmaking and miscast her in a role that could've been pulled off by just about anyone with talent.

Harvey Fierstein in drag would've had more believable on-screen chemistry with co-star Adriano Giannini than did Madonna. Basically, if this movie isn't her final attempt at film-career suicide, then I don't know what will be (Evita was supposed to be the movie death of her).

.... Whatever Ritchie intended to do with this version of the film is all but lost because Madonna is so overpoweringly awful that she would've been less guilty had she shot this film to death with a rifle.

In the inimitable words of the Rolling Stones, "You can't always get what you want." Although Madonna has lots of fans, the bottom line is that the flick has grossed $375,000 on 196 screens. That's roughly $1,900 a screen, or about 191 people per screen).

Madonna accused of 'special Kabbalah treatment'

October 25, 2004

Madonna and Guy Ritchie have been accused of getting special treatment at Kabbalah meetings.

The star couple, who are devout followers of the religion, reportedly drink blessed water and wine from crystal glasses, while other members of the sect have to make do with plastic cups and plates - even though the event, held at the London Kabbalah Centre, cost $57 per person.

A source revealed to America's Star magazine: "While we waited in line for water and a buffet of salmon, salad and hummus to be consumed from plastic glasses and plates, Madonna sat at a table stacked with wine bottles and blessed water.

She and Guy drank from elegant crystal glasses.

Meanwhile, Madonna has revealed why she got involved with the mystic Jewish faith.

She claims the Kabbalah gave her a sense of happiness and self-worth, which no amount of fame and fortune could bring her.

The star, who goes by the Hebrew name Esther at Kabbalah meetings, explained to Britain's The Times newspaper: "It was eight years ago.

I'd won a Golden Globe for 'Evita', I was pregnant, I had fame, I had fortune, everything that you would perceive a person would want in life.

But I was saying to myself, 'Why am I here? Why am I inside this body? What am I doing?' "I went to a class and there was a man who looked like a rabbi and what he was saying was amazing.

I was inspired.

"Kabbalah teaches you that your true potential has nothing to do with selling records or making money, but what you are doing to help and make the world a better place."

Canadian singer CELINE DION is 'horrified' to discover she's related to Madonna

October 29, 2005

Canadian singer CELINE DION is 'horrified' by the discovery she's related to pop queen MADONNA.

Genealogist TROY DUNN uncovered the shocking link between the MATERIAL GIRL and the FALLING INTO YOU star and was amused by their reactions.

He says, "Madonna's people had no comment. And Celine's people were horrified."

Madonna banned from Band Aid III

from Digital Spy

October 31, 2004

Sir Bob Geldof has banned Madonna from Band Aid III, because she is American.

Madonna had apparently hoped to record 'Do They Know It's Christmas?' alongside the likes of Noel Gallagher, Robbie Williams, Coldplay and The Darkness.

Midge Ure, who wrote the song alongside Geldof, told The People, "As Bob says, at the end of the day she's a Yank. We don't need her."

The track is expected to reach the Christmas number one spot.

Give Me Back My Old Madonna

from [The] Guardian Unlimited

October 31, 2004

As for me, I don't want the old Madonna or the "new" Madonna.


... Only one credited her without hesitation. 'I saw how much she had transformed because of Kabbalah,' he said, 'and I thought, well, if it worked for her ...'

One evening, when I had just reported for duty, another volunteer asked me, 'Do you have your tickets yet?' 'Huh?' 'Your Madonna tickets!' she exclaimed (referring to her recent Reinvention tour). 'If you buy them from the Centre they are the best seats! And all the proceeds go to the Spirituality for Kids programme!'

The royalties from Madonna's children's books go to the same fund, which helped purchase the former Atkins headquarters for the Kabbalah Grammar School for Children. According to WABC, Madonna spent a total of $22 million on the school, which will open its doors in 2005 - but only to pupils whose parents are both Kabbalists.

.... Jane has been fishing for religion since her teens; she's attended Methodist, Catholic, Pentecostal and Jehovah's Witness services. She says she likes the Kabbalah Centre best: the principles taught in the classes are easy to apply, especially the notion that when you help others you really help yourself.

I am disillusioned as to how my former idol is no longer the unabashedly confident superwoman I so admired. Plenty of people are still following her, but look what she's following.

Maybe once she gets the financial breakdown she requested and finds how her money is being spent, she will reinvent herself as the wayward Catholic iconoclast I loved.

My friend and I spend the rest of the night drinking tea in a Chinese restaurant, reading fortune cookies, and commiserating about how we missed Madonna over steamed pork buns.

Laura Ingraham Rags On Madonna on Her Radio Show

Source: Flea Dip site owner, via radio show

November 2004

On her radio show, host Laura Ingraham kept replaying Madonna's quotes about God (from some television interview Madonna had given).

Madonna said something in this interview such as,

"In Kabbalah, we believe in a light force... it's whatever you call it... could be 'God,' or maybe 'Buddah' or a light-emanating force..."

One of the times Ms. Ingraham played that line by Madonna, she interjected her own comments (in bold face type here):

"In Kabbalah, we believe in a light force... it's whatever you call it... could be 'God,' - or a chair - or maybe 'Buddah' - how about a 'bowling ball?' -or a light-emanating force..."

Ingraham also made fun of Man-donna's phony accent, which she described as being a cross between Valley Girl, Bronx, NY and British.

Callers were encouraged to vote on who was more clueless / obnoxious about their political views; it was between Madonna or Carole Simpson*. Carole Simpson wound up getting most of the votes, but it was funny hearing the callers who chose Madonna explain why they chose Madonna.

* (1) ABC's Simpson: Bush (2004) Win Means Public "Not Bright," Rush [Limbaugh] "Scary"

ABC News correspondent Carole Simpson, who through 2003 served as the anchor of World News Tonight on Sunday and who now travels the country for ABC News to talk to high schoolers about how to consume news, lashed out at how the election results reflect the triumph of the "stupid" and how the red/blue maps match the slave versus free states....

Kylie Minogue Offends Madonna

from Contact Music

November 9, 2004


Singing superstar KYLIE MINOGUE has caused major offence to MADONNA by refusing to even record a demo of a song specially written for her by the pop queen.

Madonna, and producer RICK NOWELLS, wrote ALONE AGAIN to be included on Kylie's latest album, BODY LANGUAGE, but the diminutive Australian singer did not even bother to record it.

Music insiders are shocked, especially since Kylie once observed, "I don't think Madonna has ever given a song to another artist."

However, while the SLOW singer has rejected Madonna's offer, she is working with several other showbiz names.

Among others, R+B sensation MS DYNAMITE appears on the track SECRET, which she also co-wrote; and CAN'T GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD writer CATHY DENNIS has penned AFTER DARK. 09/11/2003 14:02

Madonna's Simulated Sex Stage Antics Not For Lourdes

November 21, 2004


Queen of pop MADONNA is desperate for daughter LOURDES not to follow in her raunchy footsteps.

Earlier in her career, the MATERIAL GIRL made her name with saucy semi-naked stage routines, simulated oral sex with a wine bottle in documentary IN BED WITH MADONNA, and even published a book with steamy full-frontal naked pictures of herself.
But, now she has found her spiritual side, the 46-year-old singer is keen for eight-year-old Lourdes to find a more virtuous path through life.

During a recent interview with CNN, host RICHARD QUEST asked, "If your daughter Lourdes decided to prance around the stage in her underwear, singing and hollering, would you approve?"

Madonna replied, "If she was an adult, there's, you know, not a lot I could do about it. She would be free to make that choice."

Quest responded, "Would you approve? If she behaved like you, if she mirrored your life to some extent, as a mother, who's now essentially found a spiritual way of life, would you approve?"

To which Madonna conceded, "Probably not.

Motherhood Has Killed My Creativity Says Madonna / Madonna Wants to Have Third Baby

November 28, 2004

From the New Kerala site:

London, Nov 28 : Pop icon Madonna says that she is so exhausted with handling her kids and family life that she has no energy left to heed her creative instincts.

The 'Frozen' singer, who has two children Lourdes and Rocco and is married to British director Guy Ritchie, said that although she would love to have one more child, managing everything on her own has really taken its toll.

46-year old Madonna also revealed that she likes to play the ideal wife complete with rubbing her husband's feet when he comes back home in the evening and receiving him at the door.

She also makes sure that she helps out with her children's homework everyday.

"I need to calm myself. I don't have a manager anymore, so now I'm my own everything. Then I'm the person who stands at the door when my husband comes home from work, waiting to rub his feet," The Mirror quoted her as saying.

"And I'm the person who helps my kids with their homework and puts them to bed. I'm exhausted. That's my problem now. I no longer have time to be creative," she added. (ANI)

» See Also:

» Motherhood draining Madonna's creativity? - from South Florida.com

» Madonna wants to have another baby - from New Kerala

» Madonna wants to have another baby - from Web India

» Madonna: 'I'll Wait and See About Baby No. 3'

Top 10 most overrated stars: Who puts the ‘suck’ in ‘success’?

by Wendell Wittler, MSNBC contributor

November 29, 2004

It was a challenging idea. To compile a list of the actors, singers, comics and other show biz glitterati whose fame and fortunateness most outweighs any actual talent they may actually have. And I'm not talking about the latest one-hit-pop-lip-syncher or reality-show-evil-but-hunky-poser but those who have built long, enduring careers out of nearly non-existent abilities.

.... [at number] 3. Madonna

Materialistic Girl: She's credited as "the first female pop star with complete control over her image"; in other words, nobody exploited her, she did it herself. Madonna's practice of constantly redefining herself has kept her one step ahead of serious scrutiny. And "Vogue" was one of the worst attempted dance crazes of the 20th Century.

Legacy: She was the first performer NOT to be harmed by the discovery of an old sex movie, and a pioneer in concert lip-synching (no wonder she kissed Britney Spears; they both needed to do something with their mouths). A whole second generation of "pop tarts" following in her footsteps prove that it wasn't that hard to do in the first place.

Madonna Flagrantly Plagiarizes Song and Web Site


(This page was begun in December 2004, but every so often it is updated with new information.)

A few excerpts:

"I NO LONGER HAVE TIME TO BE CREATIVE," whined the Queen of Pap, Madonna, in a recent People Magazine interview. Boy is that the understatement of the century. But they were fitting words uttered by a woman who has been accused of and sued for plagiarizing many people's work. I guess plagiarism is very tiring. My question is, was she ever creative? There is a mountain of evidence that speaks to the contrary.

Is she the "Material Girl" or the material thief, as in stealing other singers' material.

Over the last year and a half, Madonna has engaged in a willful pattern of plagiarism and copyright infringement by flagrantly stealing music, lyrics, catch phrases and ideas unique to my music and web site, then passed them off as her own, for her ill advised, poorly received "American Life" album and other projects. My web site has been online since 2001, with over 4 million hits and during that time she has been a frequent visitor…and plagiarizer.

... She [Madonna] has made herself into the stereotypical caricature of the characterless, talentless, self-absorbed, egotistical singer people joke about in films and skits. She is a real primadonna and one with a serious anger problem.

... I've nicknamed her horrible rip off of my song Contemporary Girl, "Contemporary Hurl," as only Madonna can illegally and selfishly take someone else's work and turn it into such garbage (i.e. her most recent plagiarism lawsuits "Swept Away" and the "Hollywood" music video). She continually does substandard versions of the work she rips off. Whether she realizes it or not, she has found her niche…destroying art.

She's like a scum sucking leech draining the creative life out of other people's work that she plagues like a nuisance, insinuating herself into their lives without their consent and to the point that they have to get a lawyer to remove that leech, lest it egotistically destroys and desecrates every creative thing it touches.

She steals, then clumsily tries to reinterpret people's work to the point that it just becomes a joke.

Just Like Band Camp

(Madonna's songwriting credit questioned)

by Doug Elfman

December 3, 2004


Singer Jem is a rising star, but touring with her male band members may have left her 'scarred for life

Singer Jem is a rising star with an eccentric resume. She has a law degree. She's a DJ. She used to run a small record label. And she recently appeared as a wedding singer on an episode of "The O.C." She also sang Paul McCartney's "Maybe I'm Amazed" for the show.

Madonna picked up Jem's song "Nothing Fails" and recorded it for her own "American Life" album. Madonna shares songwriting credit on "Nothing Fails." Did Madonna change enough of it to merit that credit?

"You can't ask questions like that! Somebody should, but there are some things that are best left unsaid," Jem says -- but then she says, yes, Madonna did co-write the song.

Madonna Wins Fight to Ban Ramblers

from Contact Music

December 12, 2004

MADONNA and husband GUY RITCHIE have won a battle to ban ramblers from walking on land on their English rural estate over the winter - delaying any access to February (05) at the earliest.

The MATERIAL GIRL, who fears her privacy will be compromised by walkers being near her mansion in Ashcombe, Wiltshire, has won the right to declare her land a commercial shoot, thus temporarily exempting it from the UK's 'right to roam' legislation.

A spokesperson for THE COUNTRYSIDE AGENCY says, "We have now agreed that the land should remain closed for nearly six months a year so ramblers don't disturb the pheasants and partridges and aren't put at risk by shooting.

"We will review this to see if the claims about disturbance are justified and we might change this ruling in later years."

However the RAMBLERS' ASSOCIATION's chief executive NICK BARRETT says, "She (Madonna) has won this victory through having lots of money for lawyers.

"Madonna may have won for now but this legislation tilts the balance away from centuries of domination by land-owning elitists like her."

December 21, 2004

MADONNA's often-criticised movie career has landed her a new title - as the Worst Rock-Star Actor of All Time.

While the Michigan native has enjoyed phenomenal success as a pop superstar, Madonna's efforts on the silver screen have been met with an icy response from both critics and fans - most recently with her embarrassing flop CAST AWAY [I think they meant "Swept Away"].

Music magazine BLENDER, which conducted the poll of 25 stars, says, "Invariably cast as an irresistible femme fatale - BREATHLESS MAHONEY in DICK TRACY, SUSAN in DESPERATELY SEEKING SUSAN - yet cannot 'do' sexy.

"Instead, she adopts the glassy-eyed expression of someone on a cocktail of prescription drugs and delivers her lines as if reading aloud from the letters of a stalker."

The SPICE GIRLS landed in 19th place, MICK JAGGER at 17th, STING at 24th and OZZY OSBOURNE at 21st.

The top 10 is as follows:











» See Also:

» Madonna named worst rock star actor - Female First

» Magazine Names Worst Rock-Star Actors Of All Time

» Worst Rock Actors

Madonna's 1991 Oscar Rant

from UK Yahoo Launch

December 22, 2004

A new book reveals Madonna's bad behaviour during rehearsals for the 1991 Oscars. She performed 'Sooner Or Later' from the film 'Dick Tracy' at the ceremony. The song, written by Stephen Sondheim, won the Best Music, Original Song award.

In his new book 'The Big Show: High Times and Dirty Dealings at the Academy Awards' writer Steve Pond details the singer's attack on a technician.

The man was supposed to supply her with a microphone before she appeared on stage through a trap door but had fallen asleep.

Pond claims she launched into 'an astonishing profane tirade despite the fact that the area below the stage was also occupied by a group of children.'

'Furious, she grabbed him around the neck and lifted him bodily off the ground, not relinquishing her grip until the trapdoor opened and she began to rise.'

Pond adds that when her performance was delayed due to a camera operator being injured falling from the stage into the orchestra pit, Madonna was unsympathetic.

He quotes her as saying: 'But, she's just lying there. Can't we just do this?'

'The Big Show' is published in the UK on January 1.

Prince top tour earner of 2004, beating out Madonna

December 25, 2004

From the NY Post:


December 25, 2004 -- Prince will be able to buy himself a fleet of little red Corvettes after crowning the list of the top 25 tours of 2004.

This year's concert king raked in $87.4 million on his 69-city/96-date Musicology tour, making it "by far the biggest tour he has ever done," said Gary Bongiovanni, editor in chief of Pollstar, a concert-industry trade publication that compiles the list each.

Prince leads the pack by a margin of $7 million, beating out top musical acts like Celine Dion, who came in second, earning $80.4 million during a long string of shows at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas; and Madonna, who came in third with $79.5 million from her "Re-Invention Tour." ...

Bongiovanni isn't certain that today's acts will have the same longevity as older ones. "I don't know if today's kids look at music the same way the aging baby boomers do," he said. "We don't seem to be developing long-term headliners and might see a shift to a more disposable flavor of the moment. Acts might have a few successful stadium tours and then we wont hear from them anymore."

Another factor for the sky-high record gate receipts could be the cost of going to a show, which has a record average of $52 per ticket, up 3.5 percent from last year.

From Detroit Free Press:

Friday, December 24, 2004


NEW YORK -- Prince is the concert tour king.

He's in the No. 1 spot on Pollstar's Top 25 tours chart for 2004, grossing $87.4 million.

His 69-city/96-show tour was "by far the biggest tour he has ever done," Gary Bongiovanni, editor-in-chief of Pollstar, the concert industry trade publication, told The Associated Press. "It's kind of a renaissance for him."

Celine Dion, who's been appearing at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas for a long string of shows, was in second place, coming in at $80.4 million, followed by Michigan native Madonna, $79.5 million; Metallica, $60.5 million; and Bette Midler, $59.4 million.

Other acts in the top 10: Van Halen, Kenny Chesney, Sting, Toby Keith and Elton John. ...

» See Also:


» Prince leads concert cash league BBC News

» Prince is top concert earner for 2004 CBC Prince Edward Island

» Prince heads list of concert moneymakers - Seattle Post Intelligencer

» Prince heads list of concert moneymakers in 2004 DetNews.com, MI

» Prince leads 2004 concert moneymakers - CNN

» Prince heads list of concert moneymakers - USA Today